Many circumstances can prevent you from making progress and reaching your goals. However, the one person who may be at fault more than not is your inner critic. Your inner critic uses the power of negative self-talk to influence your behavior. A lot of times, you don’t even realize it’s happening. Thankfully, if you can catch your inner critic in the act, you can turn Negative Nancy’s attitude into positive self-talk.
What is Self-Talk?
Most of us have an inner voice, also known as internal dialogue or inner monologue. You are that inner voice. Well, that inner voice in your head. Your inner voice helps you make good choices, work problems out, and keep you on track. Your inner voice uses self-talk, which is how you talk to yourself.
Self-talk can be positive, neutral, or negative. Neutral self-talk sounds grounded and keeps you on task or reminds you of things to do. For example, “Don’t forget to get gas after work.” or “Remember to arrange these items in this order.”. It is matter-of-fact and primarily serves to keep you on track.
Positive self-talk is very useful. It can help hype yourself up and increase your confidence before an event. For example, “You got this!” or “No problem, this is easy for me to do!”. Positive self-talk helps you motivate yourself and focus more on your thoughts and actions.
When your inner voice starts saying things such as “How can I be so foolish!” or “I’m never going to be able to do this!” the inner voice becomes your inner critic. The inner critic uses negative self-talk. Unfortunately, not only can excessive negative self-talk make it harder for you to achieve your goals, but it can also affect your mood and perception of yourself, which can affect your mental health.
Your Inner Critic
Your inner critic is your inner voice, except they sound like a critical parent or a friend who likes to point out your shortcomings. They blame, belittle, and provide little support or helpful advice. However, listening to them is easy because your inner critic is … you. How could you be wrong?
Unfortunately, there are some long-term consequences from your inner critic. Negative self-talk from your inner critic will narrow your thinking and lower your ability to see or seek new opportunities. Moreover, it can decrease your motivation to capitalize on those opportunities. Additionally, you start to believe only “perfect” will do and that perfection is attainable (which it is not). Therefore, you begin to think anything less isn’t good enough. Furthermore, negative self-talk can turn into bad habits, making you seem needy or insecure and affecting your relationships with others.
Stopping Your Inner Critic
Although you can’t eliminate all negative self-talk, it is essential to minimize it. Your inner voice should behave more like a coach who encourages you but is honest enough to point out an issue without putting you down. The inner coach may hold some harsh truths sometimes, but they can help you analyze the problems and develop solutions.
However, you may have to do some work to change the tone of your inner voice. Here are a few tips that may help you kick your inner critic to the curb and bring out your inner coach.
Catch Your Inner Critic In the Act
Be mindful when your inner voice speaks. If you notice that it’s being self-critical, you can stop it in its tracks. How do you know if your inner critic is being critical? Reversing roles can put it in perspective. Your inner critic can sound like your worst enemy and say things you would never say to a friend or loved one. Therefore, when your inner critic speaks, pretend you are saying the same thing to your closest friends or a loved one. If they wouldn’t believe it, then your inner critic is wrong! Moreover, if you wouldn’t say those things out loud, then your inner critic is being too harsh.
Remember that your thoughts and feelings do not always reflect reality. Therefore, they can be skewed based on your own biases or mood at the time.
Change Negativity to Neutral Self-Talk
Neutral self-talk is more valuable than negative self-talk. It can provide an unbiased observation without blame. Generally, it involves reframing your inner dialogue. For example, instead of “I’ll never be able to do …” it becomes “I need to learn how to …”
Part of the process involves challenging your inner critic’s dialog. Negative self-talk is often damaging because it goes unchallenged. After all, you’re saying this in your head. So, no one will tell you’re wrong. Fortunately, you can challenge your inner critic. Most of your negative self-talk isn’t true, an exaggeration, or a reaction to something that happened. By calling out your inner critic, you can help reduce the damage it can cause to yourself.
Shift Your Perspective
Sometimes, you may be so close to what’s happening now that you lose perspective of the big picture. Therefore, looking at a situation from an outsider’s view can help minimize negative self-talk. Also, ask yourself what the impact is on your life. Will it matter in five years?
If you need another perspective, you can track your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Sometimes, reading them helps reframe the situation to provide a different perspective.
Turn a Negative into a Positive
Perspective and positivity are some of the best ways to combat negative self-talk. For example, when negative self-talk takes over, remind yourself how far you’ve come. Take stock of all that you’ve accomplished so far and that this is a minor bump in the road. For example, you may be halfway to your goal but halfway is better than not starting at all. That is something to celebrate in itself.
Keeping a positive outlook and kindly talking to yourself can significantly impact your overall mental health. A positive perspective and self-talk can keep you motivated, pursue new opportunities, and help you reach your goals.
It’s Time to Change
Those who frequently engage in negative self-talk tend to be more stressed. Moreover, their reality is altered, and they create an environment that prevents them from reaching their goals. If you find yourself in this situation, you’ve made your first step towards change by knowing it is happening to you. Congratulations! You are at step 1 instead of step 0. That’s progress!
Now, work on catching your inner critic and changing your perspective. Turn your negative self-talk into positive self-talk. Above all, be kind to yourself, strive to do a great job, and remember that nobody is perfect.
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Disclaimer: No content on this site should ever be used as a substitute for direct medical advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.
